There's studies upon studies about women, how complicated we are, how men can never understand us etc. But what about guys? I don't believe in tarring everyone with the same brush, but I'm continually being confused or messed about by men. There are loads of questions that girls ask themselves when something doesn't exactly work out according to plan, like:
- Is it me?
- Have I done something?
- Did I miss the part where he stopped liking me?
- Am I not good enough?
You get the general idea. Women never get closure, we're just better at accepting when things aren't working. We tell the person why we feel that way, to save them doing all the late-night wondering and soul-searching. So why don't men do that? Why is it always the girl (in my experience!) that has to find out where/when/why a relationship has broken down? I continually beat myself up if something goes 'wrong', but for what reason? I have no idea.
I've got male friends who, after a break-up, seem totally fine and others who just can't seem to function alone. The ones who suffer are usually the ones who do the soul-searching, the late-night panic attacks about their self worth and generally are great people. The one's who are completely fine are the one's that I tend to end up falling for (messed up, yes). But isn't that typical of a girl? The better the guy, the worse off she feels?
I've read my fair share of Cosmopolitan mags to have worked out at an early age that I'm part of the percentage that tends to go more for the 'bad boys' (which is a completely horrible term, but we'll go with it because everyone knows what I'm on about). The guys who are aloof, that ignore calls and texts for an hour or two before replying, the secretive ones and as of late, the unobtainable ones.
This past year has been one of the toughest. I've constantly doubted myself, berated myself for putting myself through it all again and basically beating myself up. Over what? A guy. Why? Because I'm a woman. It's what we do. I just have to accept the fact it's in my make-up and I'm always going to be like this. The problem is; how are men and women ever going to understand each other? There is so much in the media nowadays that it's scary to even consider getting to know someone when there are statistics, studies and percentages being thrown at you. Divorces, trust issues, promiscuity and cheating. I'm 20yrs old and I'm terrified that this is probably just the beginning of my problems.
We're too scared to speak to one another about these things, which I'll admit I'm guilty of. I can barely tell someone I like that I like them. Sounds pathetic, right? But there's always a reason why people don't go that extra centimeter. They're too frightened. I'm too frightened, but I don't know what of. Not of getting hurt, that's almost a certainty. So what is it?
If I can't work it out, what chance has the next guy got?